From the likes of it, I seem to be some sort of weird-ass mad scientist piecing together sordid detail after sordid detail to the screen that you’re now viewing. I make you uncomfortable and urge you to spit out phrases of your venom because of my vile and pretentious nature. I’m crude most times. I just can’t set aside my lustful antics.

Your pussy hovering over my face like an alien spacecraft hovers the surface of the Earth after penetrating the atmosphere is my eager wish. The anticipation of engulfing your pussy fumes arouses me. You started this mess that we’re now glued to. I only offered up the fantasy for you to envision yourself participating in. It was you that reached out to be self serving. You know what, I’m really just being steadfast about my bottomline: the mention of a whole lot of ass licking along with clit stimulation until your pussy cums.

I know your crotch is hot to the touch right now. You’re intrigued, but you have cold feet. Don’t worry; I never bite. I’m barking extremely loud, though. I’m howling out how hideous I can be when my mouth settles upon your wet notches. Don’t be deterred; come get this filthy-ass mouth, and don’t beat yourself up and apologize to the gods about your yearning for my oral solution on your derriere.

This lecherous little affair will be between you and me. I stay by myself, so you should be spontaneous and make that trip over here to Forest Park. Honestly, I want all of your sexiness on my mouth either today or tonight.

It hasn’t helped that I’ve been sipping on some rum. My excitement level is revved up like a motherfucker. I want to devour you. Your thickness is mindboggling and unavoidable. I want to take advantage of what’s between your legs with my moist mouth. I want to make you moan and squirm with my daring licks to your slit and rump.

Your derriere absorbs every single lash of my tongue. The contour of your silhouette is almost inescapable to my eyes. I want you, to taste your entire body with my crude, tasteless mouth. I’m actually in a naughty mood right now, and I’m anxious to get to know you.

I want to tell your beautiful, sexy and alluring ass more, but you must grant me immunity and not hold me liable for my comments. I guess it’s a little too late for that now. I’m trying to import my disgustingness into your psyche.

Here in this sex-laden cyber and physical world, I’m the boss. Even if you’re a dominant female, you must succumb to my orders. My every wish is your command. I know this is going to be a mouth on pussy and ass night.

And if you want to email me for the fun of it just because, do me a favor and please never contact me again.

On the other hand: if you’re about wanton activities, get with me; I’m your man.

I’m upfront and disgusting.

I’m always thinking about sex, eating pussy and some ass.

Not only do I fantasize about my potential playmates, I’m almost always plotting how I’m going to bury myself in the opposite sex’s rear end!

I’m stubborn as a mule even on my most jolly days, and I don’t answer to anyone.

Want more?

I’m sure you’re all in now. (I don’t pay to play, and I don’t take kindly to women playing in my email box without action bubbling over the present horizon.)

I wear everything on my sleeve which entails me immediately expressing the desire to disassemble a woman’s fortified wall upon meeting her.

When you enter my house, I’m in control. You’re my subordinate. Your ass, asscheeks, breasts, lips and pussy are among the pieces of your derriere that belong totally to me. I will do with them as I please.

I will beat my dick against your clit maniacally.

I will also rub my dick against your clit subtly.

I will dig in your sweet, wet pussy with my manicured finger and coerce you into tasting yourself. If you put up a fight and refuse to do so, you aren’t the woman for me.

But, I am of the belief that you don’t want to disappoint me.

You don’t want to miss this signature moment.

Even if you never get your hands on me ever again, you don’t want to wiggle free from this immediate ritual.

I want to hoist your pussy and ass up to my mouth with my tongue.

I want to torture your pussy and ass leaving trails of my saliva as evidence for the sex police to gather up during the autopsy. Your genitalia has died on me because I’ve exhausted its life expectancy.

I’m a cold soul; I know.

I’m digging around in your asshole with my dagger-like tongue piercing its walls. You in turn are ramming your backside on my oral tool maniacally with an anxious force. You’re screaming and losing all sense of what’s right and wholesome in this little dalliance of ours.

You’re telling me how great my mouth feels on your hot ass.

You’re telling me to keep kidnapping your asshole with my tongue.

Wasn’t this the same ass with reservations beforehand concerned with whether we should participate in the lecherous affair?

Now, look at you.

There have been a few pussies’ codes here and there that I haven’t been able to break. I’m only human and honest to the tee, so I’ll admit the misfortune. But my baby, we can crack the combination together meeting of the minds until we spring your pussy free from the reservation.

Let’s get back to the drawing board and reintroduce my mouth to your clit. Should I ravage your clit madly with a flickering tongue, or should I pull at the clitoris with my lips while simultaneously licking at its surface?

Tell me; I’m a quick learner and understudy. Let me be an anxious and responsible guy funding your pussy and ass excursion. See, what we have here is a broken pussy, and my mouth needs to be the mechanic to repair such a disheartened soul on this debauchery-filled night. You’re a mature woman that I find irresistible and unavoidable. I have these very racy thoughts that I’m trying to blanket for now, (but knowing me) I can never submit even to myself and suppress this undying fire for long.

I want to respect you for being this smart woman that has existed on this planet for quite some time, but I can’t lie and deny the fact that I would love to taste your petite lips whether they’re consumed with lipstick or not. I’m usually not humble, but I find myself hugging the line as not to offend you.

But dammit, I want to devour you–all of your clit, all of your pussy, all of your asscheeks, and subdue your asshole with my mouth. Guide me along this journey and let this be my adventure of the pussy-and-ass-eating rites of passage where I work like hell to be able to outwit a clit with my tongue and leave her satisfied. Although I’m a marksman, I’ll never ever get the big head and think I know everything concerning this mouth-on-pussy-and-ass play.

Up for letting an old dog teach that pussy new tricks? Hit me up, and I’ll take a lick.

Please, please please my fair ladies reserve your comments, and keep them to yourselves until you’re ready to hook up with me.

I’m overwhelmed and appreciative of the calls for me to produce erotic literature (Hint: I’ve already written and published tons of erotic books.), but let’s really just handle this shit currently at hand: me nibbling and fucking at that slit and rump.

Now, with all that being written, let’s get down to business. I’ve spun a pussy-and-ass-eating web, and I’m here to catch you up all in its sticky appeal. And once you’re enthralled in my snare, there’s no escaping my mouth. I can feel you on my silky makeshift concoction struggling to free yourself, but it’s to no avail. I approach from nowhere to feed on you. My little hiding spot shields me from the elements until I’m ready to pounce on that pussy and ass with my dick, mouth and tongue.

What are you thinking now as I inch my way over to you?

Is your complete destruction over the horizon as I nibble on you bit by bit insisting that I don’t rush the feeding?

Do you want me to devour you quickly and just get it over with, or would you prefer to sit back and stare as I have way with you?

I’m an apex predator that has survived this long because of mere evolution.

It hasn’t taken long for the Stockholm Syndrome to set in as you sit in my trap wanting my mouth to taunt your body. I deflower your pussy with ease and spread your asscheeks, milking them of any moisture or precipitation that has developed because of your nervous disorder. Your hands and arms are nowhere to be found because they’re attached to my Web of Destruction. I lick at your tangy bottom haphazardly as if I have all of the time in the world to finish you off.

I’m torturing you, gazing into your eyes periodically to see how you are handling my mouth assault.

Sometimes I can be very vindictive, especially if you’ve teased me on multiple occasions before stumbling across my hideaway in the wild.

Your eyes tell me to rape you with my mouth. You squirm around in my web as if you’re struggling to free yourself…

Yes, I know I’m a disgusting piece of work. I don’t need for you to tell me that.

Do you find me repulsive and sickening?

Great, we’re getting somewhere now!

I’m a nasty-mouth motherfucker that taunts a pussy and clean ass with my menacing mouth and tongue. I cleanse asses with this oral tool with painstaking accuracy. Every tug and press of my tongue’s flesh is calculated and aims to produce pleasure to your hind.

When you respond to me, be ready to play right now. If you’re not ready to get your pussy and ass eaten ASAP, go play in someone else’s email box.

I don’t need you communicating with me while you’re at work or any of that.

I’m about tasting at your sweet cunny and ass box at this moment.

I’m about driving you crazy and bringing you to a dazed state in the present.

Make my mouth work to bring you to orgasm.

Make my tongue work magic on your bottom until you shiver and quiver like an uninhibited nutcase.

I’m not this nice guy that’s here to lead you down the yellow brick road.

I’m a horrid, selfish being here to satisfy my ass-and-pussy-eating fetishes.

I’m here to send your pussy and ass into oblivion.

I’m here to fuck your pussy with angles until you slobber all over the place.

I’m not here to play with you.

Don’t ask me a million questions about my dalliance before you; that doesn’t matter. It’s none of your concern. You’re the most special woman in my life right now.

Your pussy and ass are under my spell, under my complete control.

Don’t fight the urge to contact me and meet with me even if you’ve stared at my ads for years and never responded to me. I’m here for you. I’m the a la carte. I’m your sidepiece. Or, I can be your meal.

Step away from the screen, and get over here; join me in my bed. Get your pussy and ass eaten by my eager mouthpiece.

Just so you know, I’m no racist: I don’t discriminate. Don’t be afraid of reaching out to me. I love petite women, thick women, shapely BBWS, shapely SSBBWS, white women, Asian ones, Mexican honeys, actual African Queens, and a multitude of other worldly things.

I just love the unlimited streams of variety the female species provides: PERIOD! Let me repeat again: I’m a man that doesn’t have just one type. I appreciate an array of you.

Approach me with no inhibitions. I promise I won’t bite; I’ll snatch your sweet, gorgeous pussy up into my mouth, though. I’ll copulate with that snatch and ass with my tongue with the utmost tenacity and aggression.

Don’t come around here with that shy, reclusive shit; you’ll be put to the test. I’ll insight a riot in between your inappropriate fortress of solitude, that place that only you have been afforded the rights to playing around in as of late.

I need you to come up out of the dead of night, though; I need you to halt fiddling around in silence fingering your pussy and ass. Come out of the closet, my dear. The Bill of Rights has afforded you such heralded freedom.

We will mate like weasels. I want to bring you to the brink of destruction. I never get enough sex. That’s why I’m always scouring through this rancid world of ours for women like yourself, those that have lost their way: the downtrodden. Your slit and nearby ass is sexual gold; you just have to believe it yourself.

I have this insatiable appetite to lap at that tasty ass and that thirsty pussy until your bottom side is quenched. And, when your slit wants more of my warm mouth having way with the shadows of that pussy and rump, call me again. Neither my mouth nor tongue ever tires of grasping hold of your anticipating shades of gray. Oh America, I love eating thee.

Let’s make this country a place where all women can enjoy my face, okay?

Try my mouth out. It’s a rambling mess. It showers a hind and adjacent cunny with an overflow of oral madness.

My mouth wanders your prairie like a stranded collie that doesn’t know how to find its way home.

My tongue slides through your field like some sly serpent in search of its next meal. I’m a lucky guy, though, for I have found my sustenance.

And, I’m feeding on her right now. I’m lapping up your tasty bottom leaving no form of debris behind.

My mouth is accosting your underside with intensity waiting for your screams to permeate the air.

My ears yearn to hear your responses to me pillaging your rump. Spreading your ass extremities and digging around in them is my specialty.

My tongue is a jackhammer breaking up your shyness as it disembowels you. What’s left are morsels of your clit, pussy and ass waiting for me to devour your body’s cavities even more.

This shit isn’t close to being finished, my wading maniac. You’re in the middle of this cunnilingus, this wave-ridden ocean, and you’re fighting to keep your composure.

How can you, though?

How can you stay afloat while enjoying the feats to your tail?

Multitasking can prove to be a challenge at this very moment, wouldn’t you agree?

Continue to twerk that ass to my savage bludgeoning and chaos regardless of what’s before you, though.

Hootie and the Blowfish say, “Hold my hand.”

I think you should adhere to the advice while I’m performing these unheard of rituals to celebrate this oral achievement.

Mask my face with your entire ass and its twitching pussy. Stare into my soul during this procedure, the one that entails my mouth filtering your pussy-and-rearend secretions.

I’m game, and I will never falter; I mean that shit from the depths of my esophagus. I will always fight the good fight to make your tail and scrumptious vaginal pie adore my appearance.

I promise never to evade that difficult task, the one that insists that I continue on licking and sucking at that clit methodically until I come up with a way to make you ooze forth your orgasm.

You’re going to have to try my mouth out, though…

Don’t just stand there.

Do something.

Fulfill a fantasy.

Engage my mouth because it’s a nasty piece of work. I eat pussy like a seasoned beast. Don’t escape this moment. Take advantage of this opportunity to have an able-bodied sexual being taunting your pearl tongue haphazardly at first.

I love to tease.

I love to spread my tongue across your pussy’s expanse lightly. This creates a dawn of intensity. You’ll want me to continue my tasty ordeal.

But, I’m pretty sure you’ll also want to savor it.

You’re at a crossroad.

Believe me, I know the feeling — an orgasm is wondrous, but it has to come at the proper time after all options have been exhausted.

I taste, and taste, and taste.

Enjoy me.

Get intoxicated from my oral juices. Absorb my mouth, tongue, and even my throat because I’m working like hell to cause your anatomy to spew forth its dynamic apparel.

I aim to eat away at your vulnerable barrier. I think you wanted to fight the thought of hooking up with me at first, wandering hither and thither in your mind.

The veil has been lifted; you’re mesmerized with my mouth appeal. I lick at your clit some more like an innocent kitten does a bowl of warm milk.

Your pussy juices are heated to the taste also, so I feel comfortable. I don’t want to get complacent, so I open up your ass and dive face first into its catered bliss.

You sigh.

I breathe harder.

You taunt your perky nipples.

I lick my fingers and lend you a hand with your breasts. I make you hurl your tongue around my index finger and engulf it in your wet mouth.

You hold on to my head and multitask, continuously giving me cues. I understand every command without you ever even uttering a word.

Your pussy leaks its wetness. I use that same moisture to spread across your aching ass. You sigh once more and finally speak.

You tell me it feels good and not to stop.

I’m in awe. I don’t.

My face and mouth can be your toilet seat that you rest your underside upon.

My tongue can be the tissue that wipes away your pussy and anal debris.

I’m reckless I’ve been told. I’m a barbarian that spews forth whatever is on my mind. I can’t help the condition. I AM what I AM.

Right now, I want to devour your pussy and ass with my face diving into your murky abyss as though the unknown was a pool. I want to savor every last lick of your pussy and clit. I want to lap up every piece of your anal nectar. I’m a madman. I’m a recluse. I should be ashamed of my lascivious mood, but I’m not.

Instead, I’m a pussy-and-ass-eating beast. I have no regard for what the outside world thinks of me. I exist in the shadows like a vampire hiding away during the daylight hours unless you come to me and partake of my hearty tongue. I must feed on you: every single FUCKING drop of your anal hole. I must taste of your clit after it has sprouted.

I’ve tried like hell to escape this entanglement I’m apart of, but your slit and ass flaps continue to draw me in: QUITE METHODICALLY. Your pussy and ass are a sight for my sore eyes. Just the whiff of your odorous cunny sends me into a mental fit. I find myself pawing through the walls to get to you because you’re on the other side naked and dripping wet.

We were once separated, but my mouth has found you. Digging into your ass haunts with my anticipating tongue is my job from here on out. You arching your back and screaming for dear life as my mouth mates with your vulva and clitoris is my undying passion. Feed me your sweet asshole. Feed me your clit. Feed me your breasts. Feed me all of you. BITCH, I mean it!